Sprechen sie Dick?

I rarely speak or write in English. I still consider myself quite good. In my head I speak perfect Oxford-English, with a slight touch of Downtown Abbey.
But as I said, I rarely communicate in English unless I´m on my holidays. So when I finally open my mouth and try to speak out the beautiful, well articulated sentence I already made in my head, it comes out sounding like someone threw a bucket of words down a hill, and they tumble into each other on the way down.
Leaving me sounding like a mentally challenged meatloaf stuttering its first words.

I do not have a good explanation for this. Maybe it´s my mouth not being used to shaping the words. Or maybe I´m just so afraid of sounding stupid that the language section of my brain freezes and leaves the part of my brain that decides whether or not I should shit my pants in charge. And that part of the brain only knows how to open or close body entrances, so the mouth just opens and closes like a fish out of water.

“blub blub blub” instead of “this risotto is simply marvellous, please do tell the chef I loved it!”

In addition to the stuttering and mumbling, I also tend to throw in some Norwegian words, making everything way harder for the person I´m trying to talk to.
I worked in a café once, and some foreign customers started asking me things in English, like where the ketchup was and so on. I was so unprepared for speaking English at the time, that I told them the ketchup stood in the hylle, while I was waving and pointing like someone trying to land a plane to get them to understand that “hylle” was a shelf standing a few meters away from the cash register.

So why am I writing on my Norwegian blog in English? Because I haven´t written anything constructively in English since I went to school. If you don´t consider complaining to an ebay seller about broken merchandise, very constructively.

It´s important to use everything you learn so you don´t forget. Even if its just writing something in English.


Thank you for stopping by my dearest reader, hope to see you back soon!