-Kidnapping is such a mean word.. I prefer surprise adoption!

-Friends are like potatoes. When you eat them, they die.

-Arnold Schwarzenegger is putting his career on hold. Either that, or he’s putting Korea on hold. It’s hard to understand him.

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-That awkward moment when your toys make three movies behind your back..

-I like to scare deaf people by yawning

-When Barack proposed to Michelle; “I don’t wanna be Obama self”

-Dear Mulan. The fact that you got him to fall in love with you when you were acting as a man, should send up a few red flags.

-If you opened a book as much as you opened your legs..You would be pretty god damn smart!